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Hello

I’m 32 and my current boyfriend is 36. We met at Loveawake free dating site and we’ve been together for a year and I’m starting to notice a number of things about him that I overlooked in the beginning that don’t seem quite right, but I’m not sure if I’m just overreacting.

When we started dating he always seemed to be on his best behavior. He never really stared at any women and now, that’s all he does. Everywhere we go he is constantly staring at very young women.

We were at a barbeque last week and all the neighborhood high school girls were there in their tiny little shorts and tank tops and all he did was eye fuck them the entire time. These are my friends’ kids! He saw that I noticed and seemed like he was trying to hide it at the same time it was clear he couldn’t help himself. My friends saw everything – the silence, the awkwardness between us and I just sunk as I watched them suddenly become very uncomfortable. Embarrassed is not a big enough word for how I felt. I was absolutely mortified.

Is this normal? Is it natural? Should I continue going out with this man and should I confront him about it? To be honest, I’m really upset about it as it makes me feel inadequate, like I’m not young enough or pretty enough. I don’t want to lose him. I feel like we have a really good thing going other than this.

Signed,

Humiliated 32-year old woman

Dear Humiliated,

I hear this a lot and unfortunately it’s a big problem. Just watch Chris Hansen’s “To Catch a Predator”. There are scores of men of all ages looking to have sex with teen girls.

I don’t care who you are or what your justification is. It’s creepy and it’s vile, pure and simple. It’s not innocent, it’s not funny and it’s not cute. It’s disgusting, it’s not normal and for God’s sake, no, it isn’t right!

There’s a saying you might have heard:

“35-year old women dream about having kids. 35-year old men dreaming about dating them.”

All I can do is shake my fucking head trying to wrap my mind around that one. 35-year old men who dream about dating teenage girls really do not have a clue how pathetic and disgusting they look, especially to teenage girls.

Some would argue that throughout history and currently in some parts of the world men are allowed to marry teenage girls twice their junior. That just a hundred years ago men were marrying teenage girls and having 10 kids with them. And 200 years before that slave owners were knocking up their black teenage nannies with illegitimate children. It was the cultural norm and it was to be expected.

I’ve also read a few blogs from men’s websites that justify men’s urges towards teenage girls as some sort of natural phenomenon. Men in their 30′s just can’t help but to sexualize teenage girls because it is based on the uncontrollable human male instinct and they should be given a free pass. Men are going to be men therefore, they are allowed to be lascivious, culpable douchewads.

Does that make it right? No! They are children! That’s why it’s illegal! That’s why there is a stigma attached to middle-aged male perverts and that’s why they are widely considered to be lewd and revolting pools of sewage and pond scum.

These sexual deviants long to play up the Charlie Sheen mystique and idolize and advocate for men who only date women who are barely legal, who are shaped like 12- year old boys and don’t have a developed mind nor emotional maturity. Indeed, teenage girls prove to be very inviting to men who possess similar child-like traits.

We are attracted to what we see in ourselves.

I’m no psychologist but there is an unmistakable element of power/control in the attraction men have for teenage girls. They want someone they can subdue, who they can victimize and abuse, who they can prey upon and who are vulnerable. So you really have to ask yourself, “What the fuck is wrong with this guy? What kind of nasty schemes is he cooking up? And what the hell am I doing with him?”

It doesn’t make it cool or acceptable by any stretch of the imagination that your 36-year old boyfriend can’t keep his composure around girls who think he’s a dinosaur and wouldn’t look at him twice without throwing up first. While he looks at them and sees “young and sweet”, they look at him and see “OLD AS FUCK and repulsive”. As in “you’re old enough to be my father you dirty old horse’s ass, so ew, get the fuck out of here”.

I have a 14-year old daughter and when I see middle aged men ogling her I want to take a snow shovel and knock their fucking heads off. They are beyond anything that can be classified as gross and unnerving. They are heaping piles of dog shit.

So what should you do?

First off and above everything else:

*There is nothing wrong with you. It’s not about you being young enough or pretty enough.* It’s about your boyfriend having some issue with himself in which he fetishizes young women. Maybe it’s because he’s getting old. Maybe he is chasing his youth. Or maybe he’s just a fucking pervert who can’t control himself.

Either way, it’s not you. It’s HIM.

If I were you, and with the way everything went down so horribly at the barbeque last week in front of your friends, I wouldn’t be able to continue with the relationship. I’d be so turned off to the point of absolute unadulterated detestation. He humiliated you in front of your friends and their young daughters he was eye fucking with no compunction. I can’t speak for everyone but that would be enough for me to say enough is enough is enough. Yesterday.

Sit down and talk to him about it. Tell him you find it repulsive with absolute horror that he has a thing for young girls and tell him to hit the road. Shock the balls off him and tell him NO it isn’t fucking okay. And if he can’t acknowledge that he has a problem well, there’s your answer. He’s a clueless and dangerous accident waiting to happen. If he can make the acknowledgement and apologize for it and strive to be a better man, he should commit to making a change and understand that it isn’t up for negotiation.

Your best bet I’m certain however would be to find a new man. One who preferably has a huge thing for you. Not one who has a huge thing for children. Because what in the literal fuck???!!